Imagine for a moment that you are an idiot.

Imagine that you are an idiot strolling along the seafront at Surfer’s Paradise in Australia and stumble across many fit, sporty types limbering up for a bicycle race.

What are you going to do?

If you had d) Steal a bike and ride through the pack screaming “I WIN! I WIN!”, then – congratulations – you are a gold-plated maroon.

Because sooner or later, you will come across some fair dinkum Aussie built like a brick dunny who has no qualms about rugby tackling bike thieves.

The West Australian: Crazy footage shows man steal bike at start of charity race, then gets brought down by crashing tackle

Woomph, as they say.

And here it is in pulsating video.

https://www.facebook.com/7NewsPerth/videos/10155046170834072/

“What am I being arrested for?” shouts our villian.

And the answer is – of course – being a dick.

Don’t be a dick.

There’s a law in newspaper stories about bike thefts – especially when kiddiewinks are concerned – that it must always be balanced with a follow-up story where the kid gets the bike back, or “kind-hearted strangers” stump up for a new one.

In my experience, the “kind-hearted strangers” are usually a local business after a bit of free publicity, and £100 for a new bike probably works better for reputation than a full-page newspaper advert.

Here’s a prime example of before-and-after:

York Press: Boy devastated after BMX bike stolen

Hey, kid. Christmas is coming, so look on the bright side. I’ll give you five quid for the helmet and the hi-vis jacket.

But wait… what’s this?

York Press: Formerly angry boy re-united with stolen bike

You can tell that’s five days later, because he’s wearing different shoes.

So watch where you leave your bike, or you’ll be in a two-parter in your local paper.