It’s May and this is looking like a vintage year for angry people pointing at the thing that’s made them angry.
So here are the best of the year so far.
But first, a request for APILN contributors.
Stoke Sentinel: Our road has been left looking like this for three years since the developer went bust
APILN is a visual medium. It needs a picture of an angry person ideally with the thing that’s made them angry.
But here – and you can see our problem – people keep sending me a photo where there’s clearly nobody to be seen.
Stop it. Stop it at once.
York Press: “It’s like Hell opened up” says driver in hole in York Road
Dan Bean of the York Press, come on down, for this is your masterwork. Let’s see how this one unfolded.
Dan: “So you’re saying that your car fell down this huge hole in the road”
Grant: “Yeah, it was like Hell had opened up.”
Dan: (Looking down hole) “Would you like to get into the hole? For a photo?”
Grant: “I don’t see why not. It was like Hell opening up, you know.”
*click*
The Standard (Australia): Woman freed after becoming trapped in toilet
Now, I’m no expert at being trapped in things, BUT – If only there was some way she could have got out under the door.
Nope.
Cambridgeshire Live: Man ‘livid’ after being without internet for 24 hours
You know who else used Virgin Media to wind down and relax until he ran into problems of a technical nature?
Sir, you do not know quite how lucky you are.
Manchester Evening News: Party-goers hold massive daylight rave, poo at the end of angry man’s garden
Not only that, but angry arms-crossed man had only just painted his back step white only for it to get peed upon.
Life in the great metropolis is desperately unfair like that.
Ipswich Star: The Easter bunny is out and about in Felixstowe for fun holiday activities
Sweet mother of baby Jebus, kill it with fire and sticks.
Are they actually trying to give the kiddiewinks nightmares?
Won’t anybody think of the kiddiewinks?
Bristol Post: Area man vows never to return to Pizza Hut over £6 biscuit desert nightmare
To be fair, the money’s probably rolling in for him now, in his brand new career as a Peter Andre lookalike.
Liverpool Echo: Man fuming after Blackpool Pleasure Beach bans ham butties
Wanna feel old? This is what Shaggy from Scooby Doo looks like today.
Bournemouth Echo: Pensioner says that supermarkets are devoting too much space to coffee and ignoring Britain’s favourite drink
I think you’ll find that Britain’s favourite drinks are:
- Tennants Super
- Instant Heart Attack energy drink
- Bear Grylls wee
Tea, I’m afraid, doesn’t even make the top ten.
Hull Daily Mail: Great-gran’s anger after being forced to sit on dining room chair for weeks due to late arrival of sofa
Good grief, there’s also a table and a rickety stool arrangement to park yourself on. Some people don’t know they’re born.
Wigan Today: Local family’s nightmare after television packs up
A superb photograph of a man showing no televisions at all, to illustrate the fact that they haven’t got a television.
And the nightmare, of course, is that they now have to talk to each other.
Leicester Mercury: Dad refused wine at Tesco checkout because he was with his son, aged 17
“Hey look Tesco, I have my wine and I’m gonna drink it now. How do you like THEM apples?”
“Dad, can I have some?”
“No.”
Clacton and Frinton Gazette: Cats left with bluer fur after blue dye ‘explodes’
The guilty looking boat at the back tells a story. The Curse of Bullseye strikes again.
Brighton Argus: Paper’s editorial staff steal their own bikes back
And finally, a masterclass from the staffers at the Brighton Argus in how to pose angrily inn a local newspaper.
- Correct use of props
- Bike in the background so we know it’s about bikes
- Suitable part-triumphant, part-scowling faces
The Argus – we salute you!