There’s theft.

There’s theft from kiddiewinks, which is low.

There’s theft of garden gnomes from grannies, which should be punished by DEATH.

Kent Online: Thieves make off with Rosemary’s priceless collection of Asda-brand garden gnomes

Just look at her face, you bastards.

May you lose your balance as you flog them at a local car boot sale, and fall arse-first onto one with a particularly pointy hat.

And may it go all the way up to the beard.

She’s not alone, either:

Lancashire Telegraph: We’ve held a gnome audit and one’s missing

This man is so upset he can’t even find his shoes, and he has to spend his life shuffling around in carpet slippers. You bastards.

Plymouth Herald: Please stop stealing my garden gnomes

All very well, but they could have at least included the crime victim in the photo.

Gnome theft: It’s not a victimless crime.