You buy a whopping great car.

All’s going well until you realise you’re only getting 24 miles per gallon out of it.

WHY COULD THAT BE I WONDER?

Car Buyer: Essex man discovers that his whopping great Hyundai Tucson doesn’t have an economy mode

But it does have – we learn – a burn petrol like it’s going out of fashion mode.

You know, perhaps buy a car that doesn’t do 24mpg?

He should count himself lucky.

Huddersfield Examiner: Car starts itself, crashes into a house, catches fire and traps a dog

Ta-daa!

They called it Christine. My car is called Geoff Vader (runs the Death Star)

Kent Online: Couple blame everybody else after painting their car the wrong colour

How much paint do you need to use before you realise you’re doing it wrong?

Quite a lot, it turns out.