It’s literally all kicking off in Scotland where a local football rivalry has exploded after the thoughtful gift of turds was not deemed acceptable.

After being on the receiving end of a 7-0 drubbing and an on-pitch altercation, one former club official thought the appropriate response would be to send those involved a box of cow turds.

Of if you are of the Scottish persuasion: Jobbies.

Daily Record: Clubs in ‘dialogue’ over Jobbygate scandal

There follows a series of “No comments” from everyone involved, except our man Mr Keith who says “it was done from a private point of view.”

So that’s alright then.

But the real reason we’re celebrating this story is the amazing photoshop done by the Daily Record.

It’s got everything – the culprit, the football ground, the club badges, and – of course – a box full of turds.

A masterpiece.

Meanwhile, in the world of turds:

Yeovil Express: Kids pointing at dog turds

I repeat: KIDS POINTING AT DOG TURDS

And more turd news:

Bolton News: Campaign launched to stop dogs blerking* in the streets of Bolton

Bloke to the left looks like he’s shaking one down his jeans

*Blerk – A word taught to me – along with turds – by my cockney Grandfather, and it is never not funny. Blerk. Turds.

And in even more news from the world of turds:

Bury Times: Local councillors reduced to picking up other people’s dog poo

Hi-viz tabards and pointing at turds – together at last. The entire reason we set up this site in the first place.

Blerk.