People of Britain: If you have dentures, please at least make an effort to keep them in your mouth.

Because if there’s one thing that keeps turning my stomach is seeing people in local newspapers gurning at the teeth they have found lying in the street.

And it being the silly season, there’s been at least three or four of this stories this month alone.

Kent Messenger: Woman’s dog find set of dentures in the park

So if you live in Kent, have lost your teeth, they are in the safe custody of this woman – only slightly dog soiled and disguised as a fairground goldfish.

You’re welcome.

And meanwhile in Lincolnshire:

BBC News Online: Found dentures taped to a lamp post in Skegness

As far as we are aware, the owner of this dental fitting has not come forward to claim them, probably – according to one local dentist – because they know that they are taped to a lamp post in Skegness.

And meanwhile in Leicestershire:

Loughborough Echo: Man finds a set of false teeth in his front garden, wonders how the owner is going to manage to eat their Sunday dinner

After putting their meat and two veg through a liquidiser, I should think*

*Not sexy slang.

If these teeth are yours, the Echo have provided a handy photo of where they were found as a reminder:

So, if the last thing you remember is black paving, tarmac and a black iron gate in Loughborough, that is probably the place you left your teeth.

You may wish to reward the finders.  Be nice.