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Hampshire’s gone wrong
Every now and then, one part of the country completely flips out and it’s left to the local press to pick up the pieces. This times it’s [shakes Magic 8-Ball] HAMPSHIRE, come on down!
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‘I found my thrill on toilet brush hill’
We wish to apologise for the following: A man with a mullet, Harry Styles, something that looks like a bog brush, and some very special poetry. Sorry.
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Adequate food containing the meat from at least one named animal, the return of Knight Rider, and a cat
In other news, a local meat packing company has found the missing apprentice who was tasked with cleaning the mincing machine.
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The Red Bellends
Sometimes you have a stupid idea, and you run with it, and you find yourself amazed that the result is even stupider than you could possibly imagine. And this is the best terrible idea I’ve ever had.
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We bought a twelve pack of Pot Noodles at the car boot, and they’re all out of date, and the council aren’t doing a thing about it
In which Noel Gallagher and Meg Matthews are absolutely FUMMIN at the state of the world today.
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Never give up, never surrender!
Another week, another metric shedload (or 1.2 imperial shedloads) of people being furious. But this time, we’ve got a genuinely happy ending. Unless you’re German, then es tut mir lied.
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Back in the jug agane
____________________ We made a silly and tasteless joke on Facebook, we we got sent to Facebook Jail, and – frankly – we deserved it. So, here’s the best stories from the last few days plus a couple from the archives to tide you over. And Spotter’s Badge if you know where the title of today’s…
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Wanna feel old? This is what the Lighthouse Family looks like today
Southern Daily Echo: Rocked up to your university graduation ceremony cosplaying as a character from Star Wars? HOME YOU GO! Of all the HOME YOU GO stories we’ve ever had on Angry People In Local Newspapers, this is by some distance the most justified. For a start he bunked off his shift drying trays in…
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‘Harold Chipman’
We hope you’ve cooled down after this week’s heatwave. Unfortunately, and we might as well get this over and done with up front, there’s been an outbreak of bad heatwave poetry on Facebook. Avert your eyes if you are of a nervous or literary disposition, this one it genuinely painful. If there is one thing…
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You had me at ’14-inch banana’ (not sexy slang), and also the greatest letter to the editor of all time (also not sexy slang)
Let’s hit the ground running. There is FAR TOO MUCH innuendo in the news today, and people need to know if what they’re reading constitutes sexy slang or not. The rules are complex, and it requires an expert panel to decide what counts as sexy slang in the confusing world in which we live. For…