I get a direct message, and down the rabbit hole we go:

“I sent a press release to the locals about a biscuit I got that didn’t have chocolate on.”

And then: “Update: Just been interviewed about a biscuit.”

“This sounds important,” I reply. “Keep us posted.”

And it IS important.

Portsmouth News: Biscuit lover shocked to find plain digestive in milk chocolate packet

Never mind the whole moral argument on what the devil James was doing buying milk chocolate digestives when plain is clearly superior, we note the superb furious pose by a man who has clearly put in the hours in front of the mirror.

The Portsmouth News picks up the story:

“James said he had heard about previous cases where rogue biscuits had been found in packets.

He added: ‘I have heard of some people getting lucky by getting plain biscuits with a chocolate one, but this was the opposite.

‘I actually saw a programme about it last week where they showed how much vetting is done on the biscuits.’

And here’s the money shot:

‘I wondered if it was a Willy Wonka kind of thing and I’d won a tour of the McVitie’s factory.’

I asked James. His answer is “How did you guess.”

Enjoy the factory tour, fella.

And he’s right, he’s not the first to get lucky.

Metro: Student achieves the holy grail – EIGHT Kitkats without a wafer – yet still she complains

That’s the trouble with kids these days. They don’t know they’re born. Some of us go to bed dreaming about waferless Kitkats.

[People say I’m a born liar, but I once had an all-chocolate Chunky Kitkat. True story, bro.]